The Wildest Thing About Anxiety is Not Even How Frightening it is.

 

I sit here, and all that comes to mind is being able to express exactly how I’m feeling in this exact moment. Only one problem with this, I have an anxiety disorder.

Let this piece be informative to you if you do not have anxiety yourself. If you do, let it resonate with your heart as I speak from a place that is deep within the anxious person’s mind.

PAUSE. Let’s take a step back here. Let’s take a look at the definition of anxiety.

anxiety disorder

noun

1. any of various mental disorders characterized by extreme anxiety and including panic disorder,post-traumatic stress disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. 2. An anxiety disorder is a common mental illness defined by feelings of uneasiness, worry and fear.

So now you know the dictionary definition. But what about the feeling that takes over your body? Flexing your stomach, butterflies, racing heart, sweats, headaches, and the list goes on (these are just some of my most frequent symptoms). This can be directed back to the first thing I said to you. Express how I’m feeling right now?

Yeah. Okay.

There is no one distinct feeling that someone with anxiety gets when they are in the peak of a panic attack or feeling anxious. One can feel sad, nervous, mad, and even excited all at the same time. This is what creates anxiety: mixed feelings.

Living with anxiety is like being followed. But, here’s the catch, the person following you knows all of your insecurities, and uses them against you on a daily basis. It can get to the point (which I am currently in as I write this), where it is the loudest voice in the room, and you’re the only one who can hear it. Even the smallest little thing can set the voice off. Something that should just roll off your shoulders and you should forget about. Only with anxiety, this little thing glues itself to your amygdala where it feeds off of all your past experiences, good and bad, and grows into this obscure melody of multiple thoughts that are all networking within your brain.

So now that you know this, or are resonating with this, let’s change up that definition a bit.

anxiety disorder

noun

1. the feeling where you stay up all night, stare at your ceiling, ask yourself an infinite number of questions, then sit there and debate whether or not you actually want to know the answer. 2. the feeling of wondering who really cares about you and who is using you, who is there for you, and those who are desperately waiting for you to fail. 3. the feeling where you feel you are not good enough, and that you need to be this, this and this in order to be successful and liked. You crave for the attention you know you can’t have. 4. the feeling where you feel frustrated because it’s physically impossible to be 100% happy. You want someone to vent to, but nobody will understand you. 5. the feeling where you question your value, your worth, your pride, yourself…everything…and you think, and that turns into you overthinking. 

 

In the end, living with anxiety sucks. There is no cure for it, and there will always be people in your life who are skeptical, and won’t understand the way you were made. Don’t hate on yourself because they can’t understand you, it isn’t their place to understand you. There are millions of things about the people you love and care for most that would confuse you if it was brought to their surface too. It’s all about learning to cope with it, and make your life the best life you can possibly live. Don’t believe every worry you have. Worried thoughts are notoriously inaccurate.

Take a step back right now. I want you to INHALE…and EXHALE.

You’re never given anything that you can’t handle. You will change lives with what you’ve experienced; you’ll share stories, help others, and change lives based on what you’re learning right now. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can.

Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink an entire glass of water. Make the room dark, and close your eyes and lay back. Notice the silence. Notice the sounds you hear, and the things your body is touching as you do this. Notice your heart. It’s beating, just to keep you alive. Your body is working its hardest to keep you alive and healthy. You survived another day today, you got this.

Just remember that you are the sky, and everything else is just the weather.

 

Advertisements

6 Comments

  1. This is honestly perfect, you did a good thing putting this here because now you can connect with some people like me! I’m really happy that I got to hear someone that goes through what I go through ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very well written and inspiring I’m sure this will resonate will a lot of individuals as talking about is sometimes the best medicine keep up the good work 😘 Dadiooo

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s